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Archive for March 1st, 2008

Web Coder’s Congressional Testimony

Hired Code Slinger: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I’m entitled to them.
Hired Code Slinger: You want answers?
Congressman: I want the truth!

Hired Code Slinger: You can’t handle the truth!  Son, we live in a world that has web sites. And those web sites have products and services that must be refreshed with code every damn second.  Who’s gonna do it?  You?!  You, Congressman?   I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for news updates and you curse porn. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that porn traffic, while illegal, out-sells everything else I try to do on the Internet.  And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, makes everything on the Internet happen… You don’t want the truth because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that keyboard. You need me on that keyboard. We use words like bomb, socket, mash-up…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent providing you with content. You use ’em in a punch line!  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain my work ethic to a man who rises and falls asleep to the sound bites of Britney Spears or Anna Nicole Smith clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!  I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a laptop and code-up. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the code released?
Hired Code Slinger: (quietly) I did the job you need me to do.
Congressman: Did you order the code released!?
Hired Code Slinger: You’re goddamn right I did!!

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